Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Randomize
