i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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