Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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