Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
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I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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