Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
