my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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