Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
