I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you made out with another girl for some wings
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
