Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize