we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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