allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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