what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
