can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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