i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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