Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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