I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
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yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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