if i died would you start the facebook group?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
