If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
