My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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