I'm so fucking centered right now
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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