sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
