everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
