You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We're too hungover to prance.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
