He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
