I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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