so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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