I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
