I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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