I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
