Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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