It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
