Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
