I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
