idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
