can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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