oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
