Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize