I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
