I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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