so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
