I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
