My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize