1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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