i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
