Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
