Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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