It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
