***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
