The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
