Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
