some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
