so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
