Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize