Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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