sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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