I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
