I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
