she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
