well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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