I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
