she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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