I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The adults are the big ones right?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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