i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
