The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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