Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
