Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
