i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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