i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
