Swine flu. Run for my life!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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