he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
How's work?
Spinning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
