So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize