miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
