Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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