Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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