Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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